I get overwhelmed. All the time. Constantly. I remember hearing a comic talking about how men are very good at compartmentalizing- they open one box in their brain, work on it, close it, and open another. Women, on the other hand, open every box in their brain at the same time, and try to work on them all at once. That's how I see my brain- a whole bunch of open boxes creating piles of questions and to-dos in my head. Every time I am doing one thing, I am thinking about all I am not. In fact, as I sit here typing, I am concurrently remembering that I have: 3 baskets of laundry waiting for me, 4 piles of papers to grade, a weird smell in my car I should probably take care of, a dog who could really use a brushing, thank you cards to write, carpets that need vacuuming, a desk (ok, a house) that needs cleaning, and I really would like to get in a workout in 2012 . . . etc., etc.
So here's my real confession: in my quest to accomplish everything, there are two people who often get the brunt of my scatteredness: Seen above, my little lady and little man. Aiden, almost 5, and Ellie, newly 1. They are the light of my life and the beat of my heart. But, what do my kids hear WAY more then they should? "Not right now, Buddy"; "It's independent playing time"; "Sorry, not now" and so on as I run around here and there. And I justify it with the fact that most of what I am doing benefits them in an unseen, uncared about way. The food I am making they will eat, the bathtub I am cleaning will keep them healthy. But, try explaining that to a 5 year old! He could care a-less! I convince myself that this is what being a mom is, that never feeling fully present is just an occupational hazard.
Every night when I tuck in Aiden I ask him his high for the day- the best thing that happened. The other night, after spending the day at home with me, he couldn't think of one thing. Not one fun thing stood out in his mind. I felt exasperated with him until I thought about it for a minute. And then I realized he was right. I couldn't think of one memorable moment of the day. I had cleaned the kitchen, and gone grocery shopping, and done laundry- all of which was useful but none that resonated in our minds as fun. Next year he will be in Kindergarten and I won't have these days in the middle of the week with him anymore. And I am wasting the ones I have left. I felt defeated and unsuccessful- this was not the mom I wanted to be. I knew I needed to make some kind of change.
As a teacher, I am lucky enough to have a block of time off in the summer. It is NOT 3 months as many believe, but it is a good 8 weeks or so. A perfect amount of time to make myself a goal. Many people give themselves challenges, areas they want to improve themselves in. Some have an exercise goal, some an organizational goal, some a food-related goal. I could use all of those goals as well, but this time I am not going to.
This summer I am dedicating to my children. My hope, my desire, is that every day of this summer will have one activity, one fun memory that my children will experience. This does not mean every day is a trip or an outing, although those are definitely part of it. It could be as simple as making lemonade from scratch together, or flying a kite. It might be more extensive, like taking a weekend trip to Monterey or going to the zoo. My only criteria is that:
1) It is something we've never done or not done too often.
2) It is completely child-centered.
3) When I ask Aiden what his high was for that day, he remembers it!
I would like to use this blog as a way to hold myself accountable- to not get caught up in the mundane routines of the day, but to make fun with my children a priority, not an accident.
I am also looking for ideas- I have 60 days to fill up, after all! I would like to have my calendar planned out ahead of time (i.e.: now!) so I have supplies ready, reservations made, excuses for not doing the activities squashed! If you have recommendations, I would love to hear them! Just comment on this post below.
I also hope to give other moms ideas as well! It's hard to come up with new and fun things to do with your kiddos, so if this can be a resource for anyone, even better!
This summer is a time for me to reconnect with my kids, remember what's fun about being a mom, and making memories. Let the journey begin!
